


Dispossession and Repose

by Nevara_Alyss



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Dark Fantasy, F/M, Fantasy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2138919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevara_Alyss/pseuds/Nevara_Alyss





	Dispossession and Repose

It was a grey day. A slow drizzle had washed over the heartland, dampening the ground and many of the spirits of the townsfolk. Many hadn't noticed the small child standing in the middle of town, her grey eyes peering up through her silvery white shag of hair at the Lucky Old Lady. Her ragged clothes flapped haphazardly in the breeze while her holey shoes left little shelter to her bare toes. 

_I wouldn't know where to begin…_

She glanced around as a passing guard gazed at the lass suspiciously. They spoke no words and the utter hatred that exuded from the older man's expression left little in terms of doubt in her mind. Her head dropped, unable to maintain eye contact with him anymore. She was defeated with nary a word or action, just a glance that gave away every thought.

_…I don't even know why I'm here…_

She listened to the sloshing of water from the guard's boots grow distant and then disappear altogether. She thought it was safe and that by whispering her prayer - maybe her luck would change for the better. Her fingers worked hard at the seams of her gown. She felt unworthy to venture another upward glance at the statue. Her strength waned as the water fell harder down on her like a hammer hitting a nail. 

She felt like she was sinking into the ground and that escape wasn't something that could be achieved. A shocking cold breeze coursed around her snapping her arms into an embrace that still didn't stave off the icy breath from the storm. It was uncharacteristically cold when the rains were usually mild and even the thickest of clouds couldn't completely blot out the sun's warmth.

_…I should just leave._

She turned away from the happiness of the statue; her prayers were left unspoken and made to wither before even bearing fruit. For all that the stone portrayed, it was bittersweet for someone like her to obtain. There was no revelry in it. No smiles or lack of resentment. A sense of carefree innocence seemed a far off dream, making her short life feel like a nightmare more than anything.

As she struggled to push the heavy wooden door open, people watched and in hushed whispers spoke of the child as if she wasn't even there. The rumors and suspicions that seemed to meld into fictional truths were one's she had heard many times before. She tried to maintain her cool and not feed their frenzied accusations by spouting off at her elders, but there was always that aching urge that pained her into near tears by not doing so. A khajiit on his way out the door stopped when he noticed her. He stared at her for a second. Their eyes locked and the small glimmer of fear coursed behind his feline eyes.

"This is an inauspicious day indeed," he muttered before opening the door.

He hadn't bothered holding it for her and she ran through just before it slammed shut. She swept the few silvery wisps of hair from her face and began trudging up the hill away from the town and off to where home was. It took her the better part of three hours to get to Bravil and the return trip seemed like it could easily double that. 

With every step she took, her heart sank more. This pilgrimage to the little township seemed to be more of a death march instead of what she wanted: reconciliation with the Nine. She felt abandoned by those that were to watch over her and if in some previous life she had forsaken them in some way as to make her be punished for all eternity. 

She tried to shake off the dreaded thoughts that seemed to linger in the back of her mind. She had rather have been alone in the wilderness where she didn't have to be seen by those that would ridicule her. She had never done anything wrong to those that lived there, but the sneaking paranoia that those that dwelled behind the stony walls had also broken the commandments was hardly folly for her. 

She looked to the heavens and wished the skies would open to make her trek home easier, yet the more she pleaded the more it seemed to do the opposite. The rain fell harder and tiny pebbles of ice pelted the top of her head as she trekked along the stone path. At times, the deluge made it impossible to see mere feet in front of her, causing her to stop under a low-lying branch until the storm let up for her to proceed. Her drenched clothes gave her little comfort and seemed to keep the chilled air close to her body.

As she walked around the winding path, a sudden strike to the back of her head sent her to her knees. She saw stars in her vision and gasped as her white hair ran red. The swirling culmination of colors that frothed around her fingertips was poignantly punctuated by the shrill laughter of children from behind her. She placed her hand to where the impact was and felt the hot fluid trickle between her fingers.

"Hey, Kainé! Where are you going?" a girl cackled. 

Her voice grew closer as the dizzy girl tried to gain her equilibrium. Kainé knew the voice well. Arabeth. A shopkeeper's daughter in Bravil that had caused many a spectacle since she'd started her monthly trips. This wasn't the first occasion that had brought the two of them to blows. Kainé had instigated nothing, while Arabeth and her pack of fiendish friends bullied the girl. She couldn't have been more than half their ages, but regardless of the assaults that she would be lambasted with in Bravil: no one came to her aid. Some parents taunted their children other's cursed her from just beyond. At other times, she felt that they were instigating the abuse more than the children had.

This time, however, they were alone. No adults to fuel the flames, no words that could really hurt her. She wouldn't allow it. She couldn't. 

_Sticks and stones. Sticks and stones._

She kept repeating the words in her head. But no matter how many times she tried to tell herself of it she couldn't force herself to believe it. She sat on her knees, on the verge of tears and looked at her pruned fingers. Fine threads of red moved along the canyons from still dripping blood. 

"Why did you even come here!?" Arabeth prodded coldly when Kainé finally looked up at her.

She could feel the burning in her eyes from withheld tears but she tried to hide it. In her heart she hoped that the rain would mask it but it was too late. Arabeth already knew she was on the verge of crying.

"What's wrong, baby? Are you going to cry?" she taunted.

Kainé rose to her feet, her head nearly disappearing into her chest, and proceeded to start walking again. She got around Arabeth, who continued to mock her and when she hadn't received the intended response followed the little child.

"I'm not going to cry, Arabeth," Kainé muttered as she walked. "I'm going home."

"Did I say you could go home?" the bully growled with a sharp yank to Kainé's hair.

Again, she was on the ground. Her scalp screamed at the pain that was inflicted, but all she could think about was the cold rain hitting her face. There was a lack of severity up in the skies above. Every muscle in her body ached as the gang of children began to pummel her. She tried to tune it out and closed her eyes. The sounds of her body being pounded on radiated into her ears. Her torso became a drum, the rain the sounds of soft bells and the offshoot river not far below them sounded its roar. Even the thunder seemed to applaud the efforts at which the children were so feverishly working towards.

Kainé tasted blood in her mouth and was sure that something had crunched under a stomp making it difficult to breathe. She begged for it to stop: the heat that coursed through her body, the never ending tingle of overworked nerves and hot liquid that pooled in her mouth. It didn't end and she didn't cry. Her mind wandered off into a faraway place; carried by the sounds that surrounded her. The children's taunts faded and in the din of unnatural silence - she was gone. 

She closed her eyes, drifting to different locations she could only dream about. She didn't feel the rain anymore or the cold winds. The grass was gone and in her near delusional state felt like she had died. She was glad for it. No more pain and anguish, no more belittling comments that haunted her from near and afar. It was the ideal ending.

She never wanted to admit to herself how much she felt like the failure. Kainé saw it in the eyes of all she had come in contact with. She felt everyone knew her secret and she was the blame, the reminder and cause for all the ill happenings that had taken place since her conception. She was alone in the world. Barely seeing her sixth winter without a family to care for her or the warmth and consideration that other more fortunate urchins had received from the town had left her cold and isolated. 

"Are you alright?" a man's voice questioned from overhead.

Her eyes opened slowly, not knowing how much time had passed or when the gang of miscreants had decided to leave. All she did know was that as her conscious cleared, her body ached and throbbed in the glowing torch light beaming down at her. It paralyzed her. Warm heat, natural and bright, seared her eyes and made her tear at the very sight of another person. 

Kainé couldn't speak. She was too weak to motion for assistance or that every inch of her body had marks that overlapped in various patterns. Everything was a haze that blurred, focused, and became distorted as she tried to focus on the shadowy figure. She struggled to lift her hand; it felt impossibly heavy for such a meek and frail appendage. A large steely hand held hers briefly before helping her sit up. Her head spun and the whirling never seemed to stop.

"What's your name, little one? What are you doing out here at night?" he asked gently.

"Kainé," she hoarsely whispered.

Her throat burned as a large lump formed as if to block off the stifled sobs she felt building. She felt marked as soon as she spoke. Her body trembled in the cold. The feel of icy steel didn't help in the slightest and the heat that should have been there as he propped her against his knee was absent. Everything was artificial, even the articulations of his knees dug into the spaces of her spine and drew away more radiance. 

A horse snorted nearby and drew her attention away from the man with naïve concern and to the stalwart beast that tapped its hoof anxiously for its rider to continue. She tried to smile at it. The large eyes - that were darker than pitch - still managed to glow from the white splotches that covered its hide. She could still feel the slow drizzle of rain hit the top of her sore head and as she looked up to the weary legionnaire, she grew fearful.

"We should get you checked out by one of the temple priestesses," he stated softly. 

He frowned when Kainé's eyes grew wide with distress. He looked around in the darkness to get his bearings and the frown he wore grew deeper that the rain wouldn't let up just enough for him to see where to go. When it refused, he looked down at the battered child and sighed. 

"Please don't," Kainé squeaked out her plea.

"It'll be alright now," he assured her.

As he lifted her up from the frigid ground, she stared at him. The way he caringly carried her to his steed and set her atop it was out of a fairy tale she had heard from a passing trader several months back. When he mounted up behind her he pulled out a saddle blanket and wrapped it around her to shield her from the biting wind. It was scratchy and patched but warm as they trotted along the path in the dark.

There was a certain rhythm to the horse's breath, its clopping hooves, and the sway of the soldier's torso against her back. As soon as they saw the approaching torchlight from a guard, she knew she was near Bravil again. Her heart broke as soon as she laid eyes on the gate. It was the same one that denied her exit before and the thought of being trapped there for what would feel like an eternity took hold. It was the first time she felt the urge to cry and even that caused immense pain that shot throughout her body.

When the stable hand took the horse and led them inside the corral, Kainé watched the teen glare at her and then to the guard that had saved her from dying alone along the side of the road. She was hoisted off, not realizing that the man had already dismounted and had been speaking to her. She clutched the blanket tighter around herself; her free hand clasped tightly in the steely hand of her hero's and with undeniable hesitance followed. 

Every step taken had to be argued with to proceed. Her stomach grew in knots and the distance at which she walked behind the guard now as they strolled through the darkened streets filled her with a sickening disdain for the town's inhabitants. The dirty path that snaked around to the right past the damning statue of the Lucky Old Lady and towards the ominously built structure that loomed not far off. The large bells tolled the eleventh hour and shook Kainé to the bone.

Each strike of the hammer against metal was cold, calculating and foreboding. The guard stopped and looked down at the girl and smiled. He could sense her distress with being there and turned his attention back to the temple and the few stragglers that were heading out.

"Please, sir, I'm alright," Kainé insisted as he led her up the steps and held the door open for her.

He placed his hand on her back and gently nudged her forward. An unavoidable amount of hacking and retching erupted from her. Her shaky hand covered her mouth as noxious tasting phlegm was ejected into her palm. The violence at which the coughing gripped her made tears stream down her filthy, chapped cheeks. The knight knelt beside her and patted her back as he reached into his side pouch and pulled out a handkerchief. She shook her head and swallowed down the remaining sputum that was lodged in her throat.

"Is everything alright?" a woman asked politely.

"This child is in need of aid," the legionnaire explained quickly.

The priestess looked down at the slovenly child and frowned. She let out an exaggerated sigh and after several long moments nodded slowly and took them down to the rectory. The cold stone walls amplified the sound of the soldier's chainmail that scraped along his brigandine as they walked to a small room at the end of the hall. It was a small cubbyhole of a room with a single bed and a lone candle that was on the verge of exhausting its remaining fuel.

Kainé looked at the warm bed and its thick blankets and wished to snuggle down on something other than moldy hay and decaying leaves. Even if it was for but a moment it would have made her night, regardless of the nerve shattering pain that held on to her so tightly she thought she would suffocate. She glanced thoughtfully at the guard and eked a small smile, which he then returned as he pulled off the heavy plate helmet and escorted her to the bed. He took a seat at the foot and waited for her to climb up, but even the joyous thoughts of fleeting comfort couldn't stop the inevitable withdrawal of reassurances.

"I can't," Kainé mumbled.

"Nonsense," the soldier said.

It was before the submission to oblige the kind stranger that the priestess returned with a younger initiate. Her arms were overflowing with items, some dropping to the floor as she rapidly entered the room and dropped them on the bed. Kainé's eyes grew wide as each was spread out for her to feast on. Her eyes darted from the gifts to the guard in more of a question than excitement. Everything that had ever been given to her had come at a price. She lifted the hem of a thick spun dress and rubbed her fingers along the pinafore as if unsure what to do with it. The soldier let out a soft chuckle and excused himself politely and let the young woman take his place.

"Sir, I must speak with you. It is a dire topic that I do not wish to speak of in current company," the priestess insisted sternly.

Kainé spun around quickly when the hatred tainted the air. She knew what was to be discussed and everything would come to a crashing halt before anything ever happened. Her lower lip quivered at the notion of the little bit of kindness would end and again she would be forced out to fend for herself in a cruel and callous world. The man followed slowly, glancing over his shoulder once before shutting the door behind him.

"Let's get you out of these drenched clothes before you catch your death from pneumonia," the initiate chirped in a sing-song voice.

All Kainé wanted to do was bolt for the door and never look back. She didn't want another event where a person would push her aside like some disposable item. She shivered as her clothes were pulled over head, exposing her bareness to the frigid room sending her skin into spikey quilled goosebumps.

"Maybe I should. It's for the best," she whispered to herself as the harsh fabric of a towel dried her from head to toe and then wrapped around her short hair. 

She looked down at her petite frame and saw the countless bruises taking form in shades of black and purple and shaped in boot prints and oblong circles that could only have been from the fists that pounded on her. They quickly disappeared under a sheath of white fabric and a drab pea green overcoat was thrown over the top of the flimsy slip of a gown.

"Why should she be punished for something that was very possibly not her fault?!" she heard the guard argue in distress through the door.

She couldn't bother to look up in response to what was said. She ran her thumb down the sash of the dress; her vision blurred with stinging tears. The only thing to escape her was a shudder that caused her shoulders to vibrate with an accentuated tremble. 

_Because I'm a monster. I know why they hate me with silent words and overt stares. If only you knew; you'd treat me the same way. It's only been a year. A single year to turn my world upside down and leave me orphaned with nothing but what I was given on my last day of normalcy. Ma and Da were foolish to think that I could accomplish anything great. Naming me after a Divine was a sick joke._

_I am nothing like Kynareth nor…_

Before she could finish her thought, the door swung open knocking a small end table over and caused the withdrawn child to jump with a fright. Her hands sprung up in defense. When nothing came of the impassioned display, Kainé peeked from around her clenched fists and saw the guard looking down at her. There was an unfamiliar sadness in his eyes that spoke volumes. The compassion hadn't left but exhibited an honest concern for her.

He pulled his gauntlets off and set them to the side and smiled. He took her balled hands in his and delicately pressed them away from her face. They were mild and careworn and all the more soothing to the fragileness of her delicate skin. 

"Kainé," he paused and chuckled nervously. 

His eyes fell away and in her heart she already knew what he was going to say. The last shred of hope started to drift away and the once multicolored fascination drifted back to a monochromatic disaster. 

"You have to leave," she murmured meekly. He sighed as a confirmation and squeezed her tiny hands sweetly. "Everyone leaves." 

Her hands tightened till her knuckles were a glaring white. There was no reasoning with the inevitable; he had done what she had expected. What more could she had demanded of him? It wasn't something she was proud of and it was an accident. She could have blamed her father for being Daedra worshipper and teaching her things he had no right to impose, but that was the past and what happened was beyond anyone's control.

One minute they were exploring a cave as scavengers, the next a creature sprung from nowhere and slaughtered her loved ones, leaving her to be the only one to tell her story. The mage's guild and half the town guard came to investigate what had happened after no one had returned from their expedition. What they found set them all back: Kainé curled up in a ball amidst the shattered remnants of her parents. Blood covered plants and the pungent smell of death cut through the air like a red hot knife.

When she tried to explain what led up to her parents' demise she was instantly branded a pariah and worshipper like her father was. It didn't matter that she couldn't recreate the abomination that had destroyed her life; it was the fact that such a heathen act occurred at all and at the hand of a child. 

From that day forward, a ruined crop or a stillborn child became her fault. Her existence became the reason for every bad omen that hit Bravil. She was forced out and made to survive on the rare kindness of strangers that hadn't heard about what happened. The charity usually ended as soon as they entered the gates. It had only been a recent development that she could actually get in but under the ever watchful eyes of the townsfolk. 

"If you think it's because of what that ignorant hag said, it is not so. I cannot take you from here and give you a home when I'm ill-equipped at the moment to take on a fatherly role again," he replied.

"I understand," she said.

"I will be back. I promise you," he insisted.

Kainé let out a stifled sob and shook her head. She didn't believe him. No one ever came back and only made empty promises that they would. The cycle had come full circle again and she scolded herself for believing in the tiniest bit of security. Before she could step away, the giant of a man had wrapped his arms around her and hushed her as she broke down. 

"Please don't leave," she begged through choking sobs.

"Little one," he cooed as he pulled back to look at her. He lifted her chin and smiled. "Be strong and stay here. You'll be safe until I return."

He stood up and placed his hand on her shoulder before exiting. She listened to the heavy boots echo down the hall and when they became barely audible she ran to the door and found he had disappeared. She was alone with no guarantee but the word of a stranger.

The initiate rose and walked up to her. She ran her fingers through her hair and led her to bed. Kainé didn't fight or respond. Her body went through the motions of living. Even the covers that were placed over her bore no love or vehemence. In her mind she wished she had died on the side of the road, alone and uncared for; the way the town wanted her to be. She would be forgotten eventually and only brought up as the phantom to fables to keep children in line. She was soulless, an empty shell that was far too fractured to ever be filled again.

_I'm damned. The cruelty of the world is far too hard for me to carry alone. I wish that Fate had decided I died along with Ma and Da._

The initiate lay down beside her and hummed to her until her will ceased to ebb and the flow of nocturnal need placed her into a dreamless sleep. In her mind she replayed how her day unfolded and left her feeling more alone than she had even in the company of another.


End file.
